crushblog

Sitch 1) “Hi John, how is your day going?” Whitney warmly greets one of our customers.

“Let’s get it straight,” John replies, “I am not here for any conversation with you. I am solely here for the food.”

WTF?  Why would anyone say something like that?  How about I show up to your little desk job, talk my way past your protective secretary who yells out in vain, “But he’s in a meeting”, and I start harassing you, “No more talking John.  Stop checking your emails John.  Get off facebook John.  Just more work John!”

Sitch 2) Customer walks in to Crushcakes and says to Tara, our longest standing cashier, “I bet you were a lot thinner before you started working here?”  WTF?  How about, “I bet you would look a lot better in something other then those hideous green polyester pants, stained satin shirt, 1990’s clogs, fake gold fashion jewelry, I-only-shop-at-Ross-outfit you got going on there?”

Sitch 3) Customer comes up to the counter to order food.  She tells Whitney, “I want oatmeal, with nothing on it.  Nothing.  No walnuts.  No raisins.  No brown sugar.  Nothing.”

Whitney says,”No problem.”

Customer says, “Why do you have to make this sound like its a problem?  Why did you even have to use the word ‘problem’? You should have said, ‘Its a pleasure to serve you’.”

Whitney says, “Ok, sure, its been a pleasure.  I’ll bring out the oatmeal in just a moment.”

Whitney brings out the oatmeal to the customer, just as she asked, nothing on it.  Only oatmeal.

Customer looks at the oatmeal and says, “But where is the steamed milk?”

Whitney replies, “You said you wanted only oatmeal, nothing else.”

“Well, I shouldn’t have to ask for steamed milk, you should just know I wanted it.  I shouldn’t have to ask!  Well, are you going to get it???”

Oh yes, I am going to get it.  It may have a little extra something in it if you know what I mean, but yes, you will get your milk.  Extra foamy…

Sitch 4) Emily is crossing the dining room,  she has a table number stuck in her back pocket.  John (yes, him again) decides it would be cute to stick his hand down her back pocket and pull the number out for her.  She whirled around so fast, completely prepared to kick ass.  He backs away very slowly, sly smile on his face.

Can I ban a customer just for being obnoxious?  Why would he think that is ok?  Do you see me sauntering up to him and putting my hand down his pocket, groping around, “Hey, what do you got in here?  Is that chap stick or your…???”

Sitch 5) Whitney, sweet as pie, tells a customer she is very sorry but we have run out of sourdough bread.  “We are getting more.  It should be here in about 10 minutes or so if you would like to wait.”

Customer replies with, “What?  No sourdough, but how will I eat my sandwich?”

“Well, we do have whole wheat or marble rye.  And as I mentioned, the sourdough will be here soon.”

“No, that is unacceptable.  What are you going to do about that?”

“Um, you can have rye, wheat or sourdough in about 10 minutes. Oh, I also have bagels if you would like?”

“Why don’t you have a sign up here saying you are out of sourdough?” Demands the customer.

“Well, we just ran out and since we have more on the way very shortly…”

“How about I stand here and look over your menu and watch as you make a sign.  Then I will order.   Once I see a sign up.”

How about I follow you out to your car, tail you to your office, then proceed to tell you how to do your job?  “What is this crap?   No, this report is all wrong, misspellings, poor alignment, inaccurate information.  How about I stand here and watch until you can get this report right?!?”

Sitch 6) 5:45pm, day of our 2 year anniversary.  We have sold out of cupcakes twice already and rebaked more.  We are down to a small assortment of mini cupcakes to get us through our last 15 minutes of a very crazy day.  Apparently our 2 year $2 anniversary special was all over twitter all day long.  We couldn’t keep up with the cupcake demand.  We were preparing to close up when a customer walked in, already a sour look on her face.

“What, is this it?  This is all you have?”

“I’m sorry, we were very busy today for our anniversary.”  I say.  “But I am happy to give you a special on what we have left.”

“But your menu says you should have several different flavors of regular size cupcakes.  Where are they all?”

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, “we sold out because we were very busy today.  It was our 2 year anniversary.  We will have the full selection tomorrow.  Would you like some of these mini cupcakes today?”

“I came here for a cupcake and that is what I want. Right now.”

“Well, I have these minis, which ones would you like?”

“I want a regular size cupcake.”

I just stare at her.  What more can I say?  I am certainly not baking any more cupcakes.  My eye brows raise questioningly but no words escape my lips.

Another customer walks in and says, “Is that all you have?  Just those minis?”

“Yes”, I say, “Would you like them? I will give you a great deal, special for our anniversary.”

“Wait a minute”, says Ms. Sourpuss, “I want some of those. I was here first.”

“Yes you were.  I am sooooo sorry.  What can I get for you?” I ask, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Hmmpppp, I guess I will take them all.  How much of a discount can you give me?”

They are FREE if you will just leave nowwwww!

Seriously people, wtf?  All of this has happened just in the last week.  I tell this to you, not because I would ever think that you, my loyal blog readers, has ever done any of these things.  It is simply to illustrate what not to do when you go out to restaurants, cafes or bakeries. Because we don’t have the luxury to go to your place of business and harass you, touch you inappropriately, make you feel fat, stupid, or tell you how to do your job.   Even if you might be tempted to yell and scream and bitch because you are receiving bad service.  Hey, I sympathize, I have been there.  We all have.  But all that is going to get you is a wad of spit in your coffee.  There are better ways to get what you want.  Just show us a little love, it will go a long way.  I promise.

peace.love.food.

SN