Since we are on the subject of getting dissed for strange and unnecessary reasons, I thought I would address this one last thing. I promise. This is it for now. Then I will go back to my happy easy going self… 
This is to the haters and you know who you are. You have criticized me for being fat. You have criticized my hair and my tattoos. You have called me egotistical. You have called me angry (I say sarcastic but whatever). You have questioned my restaurant skills. And you have accused me of making vegan cupcakes only since being on Cupcakes Wars. This is what we need to talk about.
Remember that funny old movie with Micheal Keaton and the pimps and hookers? I think it was called Night Shift? Anyway, there is this scene where he writes the word ”assume” on a chalk board then breaks it down, as I will for you doubters right now:
“ASS-U-ME”
When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. But in this case, I think its just you. We have been making vegan cupcakes here at Crushcakes since we opened in February 2008. I know I have been all over the TV and facebook talking about how we are the real thing and how I cannot believe vegan cupcakes beat me. Yes, both are true, but we still make vegan cupcakes here and always have. I talked about this on Cupcake Wars but they may have edited it out. Because we make vegan cupcakes, I know exactly what goes in them. Have you ever looked at the ingredients in a vegan butter product? It’s a paragraph long and completely man made. I like me a little cow-made butter, but hey, call me a traditionalist. Vegan cupcakes are what some people want and that is what I am here to provide. What the people want the best way we know how. We do use a vegan butter substitute but combined with all of our other amazing ingredients, I think it makes a pretty tasty cake. I just personally prefer the real thing.
Nothing makes me happier then hearing my customers exclaim as they bite into our cupcakes, “This tastes just like my grandma used to make!” That’s because it is! My cupcake recipes literally are grandma’s recipe! Real unsalted butter, sifted unbleached harvest flour, real cane sugar, fresh eggs, vanilla bean paste, melted Belgian chocolate, pureed strawberries, fresh squeezed lemon juice. Seriously, that is our big secret. We use real and fresh ingredients every day. No substitutions. No cutting corners. And you will never get a day old cupcake here. Never. If there are ever any day olds here at Crushcakes, we donate them to different non profits including the battered woman’s shelter (the kids there love them!), the Unity shoppe, AIDS hospice, Community Kitchen, the fire department, the police department, local schools and more.
So hate me if you will, but I’m just going to throw this possibility out there. Perhaps you who continue to send me these bitter emails and messages have been eating too many bad cupcakes? You have become befuddled with artificial ingredients and shortenings and high fructose corn syrup. Come in to Crushcakes and the real thing will set you freeeeee!!!
peace.love.butter.
SN
Now that I have been on the BIG show, my fan base has increased quite a bit. Between my friends on facebook and those who just want to be my friend (can I touch you pleeasseee???) I can hardly keep up. Its been amazing and unexpected. We have been crazy-busy all summer. I have met some really cool people who have come here from all over the country telling me that they saw me on TV and couldn’t wait to come in here and try our cupcakes. One time I came bouncing into Crushcakes when I was bombarded by a large group of women who all shouted at the same time, “There she is!!!” And encircled me with their happiness, their admiration and their many questions. It was all good, this is a place of peace and love after all.
The unexpected part has been the haters. Luckily there have only been a few, but these few people are not what anyone would call normal. They are nasty and cruel. They don’t even attack my cupcakes but attack me directly. They tell me that I am fat. They tell me that I have ugly hair. They mock my kitchen skills. But what they don’t realize is that I was born in a restaurant. Literally left my momma’s womb and fell into my fathers restaurant. It’s in my blood baby. Say what you want about how I look, but question my knowledge of the restaurant business? Ha! There is a reason we consistently sell out. But I don’t want to defend myself here, I let my restaurant speak for itself.
So this afternoon I was sitting in my cafe drinking a cup of coffee and feeling a little down about the last mean email I received, despite my attempts to ignore. I looked over and what met my eyes made all of my dismal thoughts disappear, “Any day above ground is a good one.” This quote is on a mug that we bought at a thrift store and stuck in a succulent plant. The mug originated from The National Museum of Funeral History and it speaks the truth. Any day above ground is a good one, especially when surrounded by delicious cupcakes!
peace.love.food.
SN
Why do people have to steal my shit? I’m not talking about stealing my cupcake ideas or recipes or menu items, that I expect to happen. Everyone in this business looks at the hottest places to steal their next great idea from. No, I am talking about my things from my restaurant walking out the door in the hands (or purses) of thieves.
For some odd reason people seem to be obsessed with stealing anything that is not nailed down within our bathroom. Everything from tampons to air fresheners to lotion to removing items right off the wall and walking out the door with them. What is that about??? There was nothing really notable or upsetting taken from here until just a couple days ago. I really don’t get upset easily, since I lost so many things in the Tea Fire a new understanding came over me about what really matters in life. And it’s not material things, know what I’m saying? But the disappearance of this particular item really bothered me. It was custom ordered for me by a special person in my past when I first opened Crushcakes. I was actually about to move it out of the bathroom when one of my staff members told me it was gone. NOOOO!!!! Sure enough, all that was left on the wall was an empty nail and strips of ripped up super-sticky double sided tape. Turns out not super enough! My friend Ethan was here at the time I discovered the disappearance and him being the amazing cop that he is, I had hopes he would spring into action and immediately apprehend the villain! But no, his advise to me was to screw in every picture I have and just remember, if anyone is desperate enough to steal my shit off the walls, then they must need it more then I do!
I would like to report to you all that I took Ethan’s advise and have let it go, but instead, in an emotional outburst, I wrote this poem and stuck it to the wall in the place where my adorable picture once hung:
Mirror mirror on the wall
Hope you’ll still be here next time I walk these halls.
When our things disappear alas…
It just makes me want to kick some ass.
Oh beautiful mirror, if anyone walks out with you
And I am all alone in here taking a poo,
I will be dreaming that karma comes ‘round to get them too!
peace.love.my things
SN
I always forget how funny people are when they are presented with a buffet full of cupcakes and are drunk. We always do 2 major events each year which are packed full of people getting progessively wasted througout the evening. One is the SB International Film Festival and the second was last night’s Fiesta Dignatarios at the SB Zoo.
The people who attend these events always start out their evening slowly, walking cautiously up to our table, quietly scanning over the vast array of cupcakes, picking just one delight from the display, often saying aloud, “Only one will do.” Sometimes they will even ask, “If you were to eat just one of these, which one would it be?” I always laugh. I know they will be back.
As the night moves on, I watch as customers make their return. “Just one more”, they say guiltily as they choose another cupcake. Sometimes they try to sneak in and grab one or two in hopes we didnt see them. Others will ask, “Is there a cupcake quota here?” Nope, enjoy as many as you would like! Some seem to feel like if they make small talk with us we won’t notice how many cupcakes they are eating. “Now which cupcake is this? And this one? Oh, all homemade? Where is Crushcakes again? Mmmmm, this is the best cupcake I have ever had. Just one more…”
As the night comes to an end and everyone has enjoyed several margaritas, they seem to forget their diets and their shyness as they come up to our table, hands outstretched, looking for more. They no longer care what kind of flavors we have, just the fact that we have some left is thrill enough for them. Some people like to cozy up next to us, chatting away about how much they love Crushcakes and come in all the time. Meanwhile, they continue to pop cupcakes into their mouths by the handful. Others will come up drunkenly, try to take a pile of cupcakes away with them, babbling about needing some for all of their friends, then returning for more 5 minutes later. Some chant, “Crushcakes! Crushcakes! Crushcakes!” As they come near the table, as they eat their cupcakes and as they stumble away.
Whatever it is they do, it is definitly fun and entertaining to watch. And everyone is always a happy drunk when presented with a spread of cupcakes. Here are some of the funniest quotes of last night’s event:
Drunk girl #1 says to her group of wasted friends about our Fresh Lime Margarita Cupcakes, “Yes, there is tequila in the frosting you idiots!!!” Come eat these!”
Drunk girl #2 asks, “Is there goo in these cupcakes?” We are still not sure what kind of goo she was referring to.
Drunk girl #3 says to us, as she grabs the last cupcake of the night, “I don’t know how you guys do this but these Crushcakes are more like Crackcakes they are so addicting!”
Yes indeed.
peace.love.food.
SN
Crushcakes Girls at Dignatarios 2010
Erin and I
The last Crushcake of the night!
When I returned from vacation I had a stack of messages waiting for me, many of which were from the producers at the Food Network. When I finally returned their call it was to discover that they want us to come back for season 2 of Cupcake Wars. They said that we were fan favorites and thought we should have a chance to redeem ourselves as the rightful winners. Was I interested?
Lets see, just a couple questions for you:
When will you need us?
Same rules and perimeters as in season 1?
Is there still a $10,000 prize?
Yes, yes and yes…well then, hell yeah we’ll be there!!
After I talked to her a couple times and confirmed we would in deed like to come back and redeem our honor, I realized that I better talk to Chris, my right hand man. Him and I had quite a bit of turmoil over our last experience on Cupcake Wars. Our relationship went from happy boss and kitchen manager/ good friends to somethingmore like angry lovers ready to kill each other at the drop of a hat. Chris used to say things like, “Good morning Shannon” or “When are we going out?” or “hakuna matata” on really stressful days. That turned into just a shake of the head upon my arrival in the morning, or “Fuckin Shannon” quietly under his breath if I asked him to do something. Or no words at all, just down turned eyes. That was the worst. All because he was upset with me for making him go on Cupcake Wars. I think that the idea of being on tv was intriguing to him, but completely overwhelming as well. It really was quite stressful. So much so that he told me later that he had hoped we would get knocked out in round one. In fact, when we made it through to round 2, I looked at him and shouted, “Yay! We did it!” What did he do? He threw his dirty towel at the floor and hissed, “Fuck!”
It has been a couple months and we are just now getting back to normal, enjoying hanging out with each other, laughing in back about the days events, having fun at work together, when I got the call. Do I really want to upset this apple cart again?
Be cautious, I told myself. Dont pressure him and have a back up plan if he says no. I approached him in the kitchen and told him the news. “Shannon!” He said. “What???” “Shannon!” he said again. “What? Look Chris, don’t feel any pressure about it. Just go home and think about it. Let it sink in for a bit and then let me know what you think.”
The next day I came into work and he looked really happy. “Guess what?” he said.
“What?”
“I’m reeeaaalllyyy excited!”
“About what?”
“About being on the show again! It wasn’t so bad! Plus, I want to redeem ourselves! I want to show that we make the best damn cupcakes ever!”
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! And lets not do just regular and vegan cupcakes! Lets really kick it up a notch and do our gluten free too! Cover the entire gamut! No one will have a chance against us! ”
So watch out cupcake world, we are ready for the ultimate cupcake redemption!!!
peace.love.cupcake wars.
SN
I went on vacation last week with my family to Yosemite. One of my favorite experiences of the trip was going out to this amazing restaurant surrounded by floor to ceiling walls made entirely of glass only feet away from gorgeous Yosemite Falls. We were with about 10 people, all of which had worked at restaurants at one point in their lives. The discussion turned, as it often does when you have a bunch of restaurant people in one room together, to who had the best crazy customer story.
Stacy, one of our friends at the table, currently works as a bartender at the Ahwahnee, the premier hotel and restaurant in Yosemite Valley. So fancy that I have only eaten there once in my 30 something years of going there. Stacy is one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet, born and raised here in SB, cute as a button, always a smile on her face. She told us about this guy who marched up to her bar that day and began shouting about needing food. She handed him a menu and replied, “I will be right with you.” He soon began yelling about hamburgers. “Why don’t you have any hamburgers on this menu?? What am I supposed to eat with my beer??”
“Well, there are several other options available to you on the menu.” She offered.
“But I need a hamburger with my beer! How am I going to drink this beer without a hamburger???”" He stammered.
“I wanted to tell him that Fresno was about 2 hours south, go back there and I am sure you will find exactly what you need!”
I enjoyed hearing everyone’s tales of restaurant frustrations all while thinking how awesome it was that we hadn’t seen much of this lately. Things are good. And then I return to work and here is the call I get on my first day back:
Caller: Is this Shannon? (imagine a creepy, stalkerish old man voice)
Me: Yes, this is Shannon (nauseous feeling already coming on)
Creepy Caller: I need to tell you about an event that occurred in your establishment while you were gone.
Me: Ok
CC: On Sunday I ordered 2 of your organic scrambled eggs and they had salsa in them! Why don’t you tell your customers there is salsa in the eggs?? This was my first time coming to your restaurant, customers should be warned there is salsa in the eggs! I mean, it was MY FIRST TIME!
Me: Sir, did you use one of our menus when you ordered your food?
CC: Yes, of course!
Me: On the menu it clearly states that the organic scramble comes with our homemade salsa and fresh avocado.
CC: But is was my first time, someone should have told me! I want my money back!! I want my 21 dollars and 20 cents back!
Me: Well, I am sorry you were not pleased with the salsa in your eggs but it does say it on the menu. Perhaps I can offer you a discount next time you come in so that you can give us another chance? I think our food is delicious and I am sure we can find something you will love.
CC: How much of a discount? Will you give me 21dollars and20 cents worth of free food? Because that is what I want!
Me: Sir, unfortunately I was not here when this occurred. Our customers seem to really enjoy our food, especially that dish. It is very popular. All I can do at this point is offer you a discount next time you are here and do my best to take care of you.
CC: No, I just want my money back or I will tell everyone I know not to come there!
Well, hopefully Creepy Caller has alienated everyone he knows with his insanity and the only one left to listen to him are his 14 cats.
I am not sure what possesses people to yell at complete strangers about something so minuscule as eggs or cupcakes? The other day I came into work, all happy and excited as I always do, and walked straight into a mine field. One man was standing in the middle of Crushcakes screaming at 2 of my staff, while many other customers and his 2 young children watched in horror. He had ordered 4 dozen cupcakes to be ready at 10am on a very busy Friday. They took about 10 minutes longer to make so he was upset about the wait. Upset is not really the appropriate word here, it was more like he was completely falling apart at the seams and was attempting to take everyone down with him. When I walked in, he was mid sentence yelling at Alex about how ridiculous it was that he had been waiting so long. 10 minutes. Alex had a look on her face like I have never seen before. It was a cross between I-am-about-to-burst-out-crying mixed with I-want-to slap-you-hard-across-the-face right now. I sent her away and offered to assist in the situation. He proceeded to yell at me (I am not exaggerating when I say yell either, he was at top voice in the middle of the bakery now with passer-byers looking in to stare) about how 10 minutes had been too long to wait for his cupcakes. I attempted to point out that in the time it took for him to scream at Sara, Alex, Chris and I surely it had taken longer then actually waiting on the cupcakes? That only incited more tantrums. The most humorous thing he said to me was, “I have kids here! You don’t understand!”
What I said back was, “I have 4 kids, so yes I do understand.” What I wanted to say was, “You think I don’t understand what it is like to have kids??? I pushed 2 sets of twins out of my body with no drugs! I am raising 2 sets of twins as a single mom all while running a business and managing 16 employees, which most times act like kids! I mange inventory, multiple vendors, payroll, bills, landlords, city and health department regulations, taxes and ongoing equipment failures all while insane people like you come in here screaming about waiting 10 minutes for 4 dozen homemade beautiful cupcakes! Can you understand that?!?” Then I would have gone on with, “Plus, you are in a cupcake shop. A cupcake shop with 14 different flavors of cupcakes for the love of god! Don’t you think you could have found something to entertain your kids for those 10 minutes such as the complimentary cupcakes and hot chocolates we offered you while you waited? Instead you chose to terrorize your children and everyone around you crazy ass lunatic!” Of course that was all in my imagination. But one can dream….
Instead I offered him a free box of cupcakes in hopes he would just leave my store. He took the box, held it closely to his chest and with one last dirty look, skedaddled.
Maybe things really do come in 3s… Today a lady called me to tell me that she wanted all of her money back because some of the frosting had slid off of her BIG cupcake. This was after I told her that we never sell the BIG cupcake prior to 10am because of the long process it takes to make them. But she insisted on taking it at 9am while the cake was still warm, then she let it sit in her hot car for 3 hours and then was surprised to see some of the frosting had slid off. Now you want your money back? I offered her free cupcakes and/or a new cake, but no, none of that would do. She hammered me so hard with pure nastiness until she finally broke me down. I don’t even remember what I agreed to by the time her ranting was over, all I am sure of is that life is too short to be verbally abused by someone I don’t even know. Alex said it best about Tantrum Man, even my own parents have never yelled at me like that.
I often wonder what makes people act like this? How has this behavior become acceptable? Is is that their life is so bad they want to bring everyone else into their misery? Or maybe they just live a life full of yelling and think that is how everyone normally speaks to each other? Are they this angry all of the time? Or maybe the bottom line is some people just feel better about themselves when they get something for free?
You know how some restaurants have signs that say, “We have the right to refuse service.” I want to put up a sign up that says, “Crushcakes is a place of peace, love & delicious food. If this is not what you are looking for, then just turn your ass around and get out now!”
peace.love.food.
SN
When I was 18 years old I worked at Chili’s while I was going to college. It was my intent just to wait on tables but someone high up thought I had a knack for teaching others and I was quickly promoted into the role of Trainer. Part of our job duties included training new managers on the floor so that they understood all aspects of the restaurant. One day I was training a new manager who was fairly quiet throughout most of our shift. The next day we were to work together again. On the second day he came rushing in wild eyed and excited. He told me that he had a dream about me he needed to share it right away. He dreamt that I was going to be on television and that I was going to do great things in my life. He was very insistent that all of his dreams were prophetic and almost always came true. “So be ready to be famous one day!” Is the quote he left me with. I didn’t think much of it at the time but its funny how certain things stick with you.
Fast forward about 5 years later and I was the young and overly enthusiastic owner of Bitterman’s Deli. One day I received a phone call from a very serious sounding lady from the legal department at Castlerock Entertainment. She stated that she knew I was playing unapproved episodes of the show Seinfeld in my deli and that it needed to cease and desist immediately. I told her that we were a 800 square foot place and that we sold Seinfeld mugs and cards and other random paraphernalia then invited her to come up and take a look. Perhaps we could work something out? She said she would send someone up as soon as possible. I mentioned all of this to my landlord who’s son worked at Variety Magazine. The next thing I knew camera’s were in our store and I was being interviewed on CNN, NBC, CBS about how the little guy (or girl in this case) was getting taken down by the evil empire of Castlerock. My face showed up on T.V.s around the country. We were soon after invited to come down and meet Jerry, see the show taped live and received the one and only permit to play the show in exchange for one chef’s salad and a pastrami sandwich. You never know what is possible unless you reach out for it….
Years later I left the restaurant business and had the golden shackles of the corporate world around my wrists. I was working in human resources and slowly withering away buried in endless paperwork. I began to long for my days back at Bittermans. This reoccurring thought kept coming to me that maybe at 35 years old the best years of my life had already come and gone. I was in a job and marriage that were tearing me apart and dragging me slowly into the dark abyss of regret and sorrow. This was not the life I had planned. Visions of the manager in training at Chili’s and his imperative words came back to me and I knew this couldn’t be it. I have something more in me to do other then disciplinary actions, layoffs and terminations. Well 4 years later, after following my heart, here I am, amazing business and deeper in love then I ever imagined possible. And I was just on TV.
Am I doing great things? Am I famous? Maybe in the eyes of my kids. Well, actually I have been approached by people from all over who say they saw me on TV. Just yesterday my loved one and I were out to breakfast and a waitress came over, pointed dramatically and loudly stated that she had just seen me on TV, but she was looking at both of us. I glanced over at my sexy man thinking it was probably him she had seen, as he is a favorite on the show “On Patrol with the SBPD”. But she meant me, which was cool. Especially when she added in her commentary about how I was robbed and should have taken down the vegan barbie.
But much more significant then doing great things and being famous, I am truly happy. Happiness was an emotion that eluded me for so long it’s amazing to feel it again. The heart exploding, brain overwhelming, complete and utter happiness that only following your dreams can bring you. Try it, its like a great orgasm… mind boggling, full body experiencing, completely addicting, better then any drug and beyond anything I could ever try to explain. And something I will continue to fight for forever.
peace.love.happiness.
SN
So now you have seen it. You have witnessed the craziness. You know the results. Maybe you have formed your own opinion on how it all should have gone down. But bear in mind, reality is not always reality.
The day the show aired I was on vacation but I still had the intention finding a place that would be playing it. You know you are truly relaxing and enjoying the one you love when you forget you are on tv. At about midnight that evening we made it back to our room where I purposely left my phone and I just randomly picked it up. “Oh damn! I forgot about the show!!!” There were already several texts, emails and friend requests for me on facebook. Everyone with the same message, “Great job! You should have killed it!” One of my favs was, “Your bed was the shizzit…you were robbed by butter haters!” I know!!!
When I first had the idea for breakfast in bed and this whole romantic notion of transforming cupcakes into a delicious morning meal, it just sounded so perfect. And the more I thought about it the more luxurious and wonderful it felt. Can you imagine anything so delightful and decadent as having your favorite breakfast baked into cupcakes, French pressed coffee paired with Grand Marnier French Toast, Bananas n’ Cream and Strawberries and Champagne? My vision was so clear to me but as I tried to explain it to others, they just looked at me like I was insane. Kind of like that French judge on the show, he could not get past the idea of having silk sheets muddled up by frosting and crumbs…sounds great to me!!!
By the final round I thought that my ideas were carried out well and looked even more spectacular in person. It was the small things that really made it work, the red rose petals thrown carelessly about the room, the black leather sheets pulled tightly over the mattress, the many lit candles surrounding the bed, the sparkling champagne bottle and glasses on the table, and of course the gorgeous cupcakes. Anyone could have come up with a bar scene, but breakfast in bed??? Please! No, I’m not bitter or anything, but am I wrong in thinking there should be real butter in a cupcake??? I’m just saying…
Despite the results, being a part of Cupcake Wars was truly a memorable and remarkable experience. I learned a lot about myself, about others and most of all, that reality is not always reality. Yes, I am the first to admit that I can be a bit loud, obnoxious, opinionated, straightforward, honest, sometimes even a little crazy, but that is what makes me so passionate about life. I feel things. A lot of things. So much so that is impossible to quiet my brain, let alone my mouth. And the producers saw that in me and encouraged it. The editors saw that and capitalized on it. As they should, we all have a job to do. And me, with my never ending reel of thought, will be using my newly gained knowledge to push forward fresh and exciting ideas.
But in the end I will always come back to the same place…keeping it simple, keeping it real, keeping your crush on Crushcakes!!!
peace.love.food.
SN
A few days ago I received a call from a newspaper reporter who wanted to get a quote from me about Cupcake Wars. “Shannon, can you tell me in just one sentence how you felt about the experience?” Here is what I was thinking, “It was amazing! Oh my God, I was baking cupcakes on TV! I was competing on a show on the Food Network! And I didn’t even apply for this, they wanted me!! I stayed a cool LA hotel, surrounded by amazing people, being interviewed about something I love! I got to eat in the green room! All of the producers loved me! And I kicked ass!!!! It was unbelievable! How did all of this happen to me???”
How do I sum all of that into just one sentence? I think I blurted out, “It was amazing!” Then giggled to myself because I was aware of how deficient of an answer that was. So of course she follows up with, “What was amazing about it?”
“I was asked to be on the Food Network doing what I love, baking cupcakes! It was unbelievable!”
“Why did you do it? Do you believe it will help your business?”
“I was solicited by them, I did not apply to be on the show. I agreed to do it because I am so passionate about food and cupcakes and thought it would be an amazing once-in-a-life-time experience! And my business is doing great, we can hardly keep up as it is!”
Another reporter called twice trying to convince me to share my shows results with him early. Not unless you are prepared to pay the $500,000 fee for breach of contract dude!
The show airs next Tuesday June 22. I have not talked about it much with anyone. Not just because I was bound by a confidentiality agreement but also because it was such a personal experience for me. I am still processing everything that happened. Chris and I did it together with some back up help from Rosie and Jas. But at the end of the day, it was just me standing there in front of those judges, several cameras all over me, being quizzed on why I did what I did, getting critiqued on my product, giving me the good the bad and the ugly all while on TV. It was my name, my reputation, my words expressing my thoughts, baking processes, ingredients, ideas, dreams. And I loved it. I surprised myself by how much I relished every minute of the experience.
The producers quickly became aware of how comfortable I was on camera and encouraged me to be open and honest. “Just say what you really think!” One of them said to me, when they sensed my hesitation to critique another. ”Can I use whatever language I want?” I asked. “Yes, we would prefer it. We will edit it later.” Ok, you asked for it…
I am actually a little nervous about how they are going to portray me on camera because of their editing capabilities. It is very likely that I will come across as a complete cupcake cow if they cut things up just right. And Chris was no angel either. I think that he forgot he was miked because he kept whispering “Fuck” and other obscenities to himself the entire time. It got to the point that the producers asked me to tell him to speak up, they could hear what he was saying but preferred it to be louder. Yes, louder. I don’t think he was enjoying the experience much. In addition to fuck being his word of the day, dirty looks kept coming my way as well. It was definitely not his greatest desire to be on Cupcake Wars, as he thinks it will hurt his reputation as a bad ass baker. I don’t think he has much to worry about, not many other bakers have tattoos of a giant cupcake being eaten by a crazy sharp-toothed devil child.
The show airs in a couple days and I am going on vacation for the first time in months. I am going to watch it on my own, in peace, next to my loved one. If I come across as an evil bitch on the show, well so be it. Marketing myself has never been my forte. I am what I am and people either love me or…not so much. I am very self aware and know how people feel. You know what I mean if you read my blog regularly. I am very straight forward , honest, outgoing and have no fear about about sharing my thoughts. Sometimes customers come in and tell me that they read my blog and I know it will go one of two ways. They will either tell me that they enjoy and appreciate my honesty. They think I am hilarious and could see us being great friends. Or I get a look that says, I just needed to meet this crazy bitch for myself! Oh well, maybe you can’t handle the truth. Haha!!!
So here it is, as truthful as I can be at this moment and the most you are going to get out of me regarding the shows results. I put myself out there, I gave it my all and I have no regrets. I was passionate and I was real. I complied with all of the shows rules and met their deadlines. And I totally and completely enjoyed the experience and all of the amazing people we met beginning to end. And the final results…some liked me and some… we will see!!!
peace.love.food.
SN
The most exciting day in the restaurant business is the day the health department inspector decides to make a surprise appearance. It is especially fun when the arrival corresponds with the exact same time as your lunch rush. You would think that with all of our years of experience it would better prepare us for these visits, but that is not always the case. The inspectors seem to ask the most random questions all while walking around the areas of the kitchen you need to get to most, clip boards in their hands, vigorously taking notes. Sometimes the questions seem so ridiculously stupid that you can’t help but think, “Are they really that dumb or are they just playing the part to try to trip me up somehow?”
Our latest inspection went smoothly enough, but the visit reminded me of something interesting that happened when we first opened Crushcakes. The incident took place back when we were so busy I could barely think straight, literally baking thousands of cupcakes from scratch each and every day, all while using Kitchen Aide mixers. I think I still had an eye tick at the time and hadn’t seen my children properly in weeks.
We got our permit to open Crushcakes with no issues. About a month or 2 after opening day in walks my favorite guy from the health department. I was jovial enough when he showed up, asking kindly why returning so soon? He was straight up honest with me. “We got a call about you so we had to come back in and check it out.”
“What? What are you talking about? What happened?” Could I say “what” any more times???
“Well, here’s the deal, ” he began, “We know who called us. And we know why she called. It’s the lady who has been trying to open the bakery down the way but she hasn’t gotten it going yet. She’s just trying to harass you, but we had to come by nonetheless.”
“Well, what did she say?”
“She made the allegation that you are not baking your cupcakes here on site and are bringing them in from elsewhere. Obviously you are making them here, I just had to come and verify it.”
“Alrighty.” Sweet relief. “That’s it then?”
“Yes, but I am going to take a walk through the kitchen and check things out while I’m here.” Of course you are.
Sitting on the prep table was a brand new case of never-been-opened fresh eggs. When correctly baking from scratch, you must start with room temperature eggs. “How long have those eggs been out?” He inquired.
“I’m not sure, we are currently getting ready to prepare our batters and the eggs have to be brought to room temperature first. Maybe an hour or two? Did you know that in Europe they don’t even refrigerate their eggs?” Big mistake. Stop talking now! I tend to ramble on when I get nervous.
“Hmmmppp.” He grumbled something to himself. “Well we are not in Europe are we?” He pulled an egg out of the box, stuck a long silver stick into it and took its temperature. Then he whipped out the clip board. Not a good sign. “Well, even though the temperature is alright, the fact that you told me you think these may have been out for a couple hours is reason enough to trash them.”
“What?” There’s that word again…
“Yes, take that box and follow me.”
I picked up the box of eggs that just arrived that very morning and followed him out back to the dumpster. “Go ahead, put them in there.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Sadly I place the box in the bin then turn to walk away. Not so much sad about losing the cost of the eggs, but the sheer waste of it all. As I looked back to see if he was following me, I discovered he was not. Instead he proceeded to open the box, turn it over and took out a plastic baton from his pocket. He then smashed the eggs, one by one, turning over cardboard, bags and old food to ensure that each and every egg from the box was destroyed. Just in case I might have been tempted to come back and pull some out of the rubbish.
Moral of the story, keep your answers short and to the point. And maybe acting dumb sometimes does have its benefits???
peace.love.food.
SN